It has been said that the only constant is change. I am pretty sure if it weren’t for changes, nothing would happen in my life! Most days, I can handle all these changes. Most days. Then there are the days when I want to have a MAJOR freak out because there is SO MUCH changing SO FAST that I can’t seem to keep up! Ever felt that way?
I used to think (foolishly) that I was totally o.k. with change. I could not have been more off the mark. I am totally NOT o.k. with change. I like things to go a certain way. I crave routine. I like to know what to expect. Not a fan of surprises. Let me repeat: Not. a. fan.
I do wonder how I lived a large portion of my life fooling myself that I was a spontaneous, surprise loving gal? It wasn’t until very recently that I realized (or maybe accepted is a better word?) that surprises or not knowing what to expect, terrifies me. I’m talking profuse sweating, upset stomach, urge to vomit type reaction here. I am sure if I was the type to analyze things, I could look back on some key events that have happened in my life that perhaps changed me. But, honestly, I think this all comes from a deep rooted desire to have control over things.
I really, really, really like to feel in control of things. I like to be the boss. (Just ask my Mom!) But feeling in control is a funny thing – especially when you make the decision to let God back into the drivers seat! God comes in and says: “I see your plan, but I am about to shake things up a bit.” And if you are me, the shaking He is talking about is a lot more than a bit!
For example, in the past 3 years here is a list of changes our family has experienced:
Grow from a family of 4 to a family of 5
2 weeks later – move said family to a brand new city, 3 1/2 hrs away from friends and family
Get settled into nice spacious (3600 sq ft) home, move from spacious home, to smaller (1200 sq ft) apartment
Grow to family of 6
2 months later move to another brand new city, (where we at least know 5 people) into an even smaller (1000 sq ft) mobile home
Husband transitions to full time vocational ministry
AAHHHHHH! Can not believe most of the above happened in less than 2 years..
And yet, I did not have a complete breakdown. Only explanation I have is God. I know He is holding me together, guiding me, helping me to be o.k. with all the changes. I am pretty sure that change and I will never be “best friends” and I am alright with that. However, I am hopeful that we can at least be friends.
It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.
Lamentations 3: 22 – 23